William's Old University Friend Jules: the third person in this royal marriage

Jules Knight is doing his best to make himself a one-man hotline to Wills and Kate's campus secretsWell, what a week it's been. At first, it was hard for Lost in Showbiz to decide which aspect of the happy event it was most excited about. The class barriers are falling! He's essentially marrying Kerry Katona. Their favourite song is I Like The Way You Move by Bodyrockers! A record that sounds the way Lynx body spray smells. It's going to be an austerity wedding! They've booked the Cox Green Community Centre, everyone's bringing a bottle and they're waiting to hear back from Dean Torkington, The UK's No 1 Tribute to Meat Loaf, re: availability.Lost in Showbiz had just about decided that its favourite aspect of the royal wedding was Kate's naughty Uncle Gary, who lives somewhere in Ibiza called La Maison de Bang Bang ("crude French slang for the house of sex," advised the Daily Mail, for the benefit of anyone who thought it might be French for the Institute of Medieval Research), has a tattoo reading "It's Gary's world ? you just live in it" and told an undercover News of the World reporter, "I'm going to be the Duke of Slough" before chopping out a load of coke and offering to set him up with a �600-a-night Brazilian prostitute.But that was before the figure of William's Old University Friend Jules hoved into view. Lost in Showbiz had never heard of William's Old University Friend Jules before Tuesday, but now it struggles to imagine life without him, because once William's Old University Friend Jules hoved in view, he doggedly refused to hove out again. At one point on Tuesday evening, he appeared to be on every one of the 614 channels on the Sky+ planner, including price-drop TV and the Sikh Channel. On all of them, William's Old University Friend Jules favoured the world with his three no-holds-barred anecdotes about life on campus with the royal couple: "Kate was the prettiest girl at St Andrews", "William and I once jumped in a fountain", "William once grabbed a pellet gun and two bodyguards ran in".And so it went on. There was a moment on Wednesday afternoon when William's Old University Friend Jules briefly disappeared from the schedules, leading to widespread panic, a desperate Twitter campaign and the sneaking suspicion that William's Old University Friend Jules might have somehow availed himself of a list of households without access to radio or television and was now going door to door, like a Jehovah's Witness, shouting through people's letterboxes about how Kate was the prettiest girl at St Andrews and William once grabbed a pellet gun. Happily, he soon returned to our screens, sometimes appearing with his fellow members of Blake ? who seem to be a kind of Boujis version of operatic man-band G4 ? serenading the happy couple and the nation alike with an acapella version of Chapel of Love. There are doubtless some among you who would decry this kind of thing as erring on the crass side, to whom Lost in Showbiz can only respond: look, it's exactly what Radiohead would have done had they had the good fortune to go to university with Prince William.Nevertheless, the media blitzkrieg seemed a little out of keeping with William's Old University Friend Jules's past form: he's very much kept the whole business of having been at university with Prince William on the downlow, mentioning it only in a series of interviews when Blake released their debut album, somehow finding time to bitterly complain to the Daily Mail that Kate Middleton had turned her back on her old university friends during their heavy promotional schedule for 2008's And So It Goes, and last year leaving their third album to stand entirely on its own merits, without the profile boost of an interview in the Sunday People in which he demonstrated his profound insider knowledge by announcing they wouldn't be getting married until 2012 and that Blake "might be performing at the wedding".Lost in Showbiz can only give thanks that he's finally decided to stick his head above the parapet. It furthermore notes that the wedding is supposed to be happening in March, looks forward to his continuing media omnipresence over the next 112 days and urges: come on William's Old University Friend Jules! Don't be shy! Tell us the one about the pellet gun again!CelebrityPrince WilliamKate MiddletonRoyal weddingAlexis Petridisguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More FeedsAngelina Jolie Rush Limbaugh Michael Jordan Dr. Phil McGraw Steven Spielberg